trust and disappointment...

i went ballistic with him yesterday night.... Not actually as i've pretty much controlled my temper. We had a nice day up to my cousin's wedding dinner. Later that night, i found out that his phone charge for last month is RM400, of which nearly RM300 is for GPRS, no guess, but it's for viewing football odds and results. I actually have found out that he lost football from his brother's smses, but i kept it in my heart. I tried giving him the chance, but he dun appreciate it. Even when i told him i saw his phone bill is so much, he pretended nothing happened and touched me. I recoiled and calmly tell him what i'm angry with, but i admit i did use some harsh words like "compulsive gambler" and "no hope". He went downstairs to watch the Euro Cup after that ... and continued sleeping downstairs. I woke up at 6 am realising he's not beside me... but i did not ask him to sleep upstairs. I just covered him with a blanket and he must be freezing and suffering from mosquito bites. He came over to hug me this morning and yet i just play dead. I have been giving him non-committal smses the whole day... I really dunno what to do with him. I dun want my whole life to be this way.... Feminist as i may sound, i yearn for someone who can look after me, not the other way round. I used to think i can handle it, but i realised i can't at all..... How can i live this way for the rest of my life? I did ask him not to promise me anything since he always break them anyway.... for the past 8 yrs i can say... I dun want to find myself trusting him and end up feeling more disappointed. To me, trust is not something easily breakable. I am not a saint, out of so many promises to him, i find myself only breaking one, which i can't keep... Gosh, it's so confusing...